Looper's Delight Archive Top (Search)
Date Index
Thread Index
Author Index
Looper's Delight Home
Mailing List Info

[Date Prev][Date Next]   [Thread Prev][Thread Next]   [Date Index][Thread Index][Author Index]

Re: dog's 'nads



Steve,

You are kind beyond words.

Bless you.

I'll TRY not to be the self-flagellating schmuck so much in future.
I suppose it makes it look like I don't appreciate (or even possibly
take issue with) people's generous praise. I don't mean that at all.

I can't help myself. I am caught on the horns of an impossible
dilemma -- an unquenchable desire/drive/need and a stubborn, 
insane commitment to create something (on the one hand) -- and 
an all-to-real mental self-image as the person (in all of the world)
who is least likely to succeed at doing much of anything worth 
even the time of day.

It has only been with the near-continual badgering of dear friends
like Jeff Kaiser (who mixed, mastered and put out my CD) that
I ever did a CD at all -- that, and I have this insane stubborn streak
for "lost causes" I guess. Counciling hasn't helped.

I can't give up -- even if I can't imagine ever "succeeding" (whatever
the hell THAT is). As it happens, I also derive immense pleasure from 
making music "in the moment" that creation occurs. I suppose 
that's possibly the source of the stubbornness. Giving up music 
would be almost like giving up sex. I'd rather not live in that world.

Oh well . . .

Please bear with me. I don't wish to be difficult and co-dependent in
some weird, sick and twisted way. Though that may be exactly what it look 
like

Hi de ho,

Ted Killian
http://www.mp3s.com/tedkillian
http://www.pfmentum.com/flux.htm