Looper's Delight Archive Top (Search)
Date Index
Thread Index
Author Index
Looper's Delight Home
Mailing List Info
[Date Prev][Date Next]   [Thread Prev][Thread Next]   [Date Index][Thread Index][Author Index]

RE: dog's 'nads

Sometimes, Dolores, self-flagellation is a trick of the mind called 
"wishing
you were here".  Not YOU, but you know what I mean.  Hopefully.  But your
perception of some internal event as flagellation- well, that's an issue
you'd better deal with rather quickly.  Re-label it "manifested physical
passion in a non-responsive vacuum".  Or leave out the non-responsive part
and simply enjoy the mental ride.  Because sometimes self-titillation
stays - simply stays.  Until it is seen as that rather than
self-flagellation- and then even afterward, but at that point it's no cause
for much thought.

-----Original Message-----
From: ArsOcarina@aol.com [mailto:ArsOcarina@aol.com]
Sent: Saturday, October 12, 2002 6:02 PM
To: Loopers-Delight@loopers-delight.com
Subject: Re: dog's 'nads

Steve,

You are kind beyond words.

Bless you.

I'll TRY not to be the self-flagellating schmuck so much in future.
I suppose it makes it look like I don't appreciate (or even possibly
take issue with) people's generous praise. I don't mean that at all.

I can't help myself. I am caught on the horns of an impossible
dilemma -- an unquenchable desire/drive/need and a stubborn,
insane commitment to create something (on the one hand) -- and
an all-to-real mental self-image as the person (in all of the world)
who is least likely to succeed at doing much of anything worth
even the time of day.

It has only been with the near-continual badgering of dear friends
like Jeff Kaiser (who mixed, mastered and put out my CD) that
I ever did a CD at all -- that, and I have this insane stubborn streak
for "lost causes" I guess. Counciling hasn't helped.

I can't give up -- even if I can't imagine ever "succeeding" (whatever
the hell THAT is). As it happens, I also derive immense pleasure from
making music "in the moment" that creation occurs. I suppose
that's possibly the source of the stubbornness. Giving up music
would be almost like giving up sex. I'd rather not live in that world.

Oh well . . .

Please bear with me. I don't wish to be difficult and co-dependent in
some weird, sick and twisted way. Though that may be exactly what it look
like

Hi de ho,

Ted Killian
http://www.mp3s.com/tedkillian
http://www.pfmentum.com/flux.htm